More Nonsense in the Allan Gardens Dog Park

Because a recent blog An Incident of Nonsense in the Allan Gardens Dog Park was so popular (universally down-voted on Reddit, where they look mostly for answers to questions like, “Does anyone know someone who could reupholster this chair?” and perhaps rightfully look down on the pretentiousness of someone who’d use the word “putative” in a story about dog-owner conflict) we’re pleased to offer a sequel.

The protagonist of that blog, NoNonsense, was at it again, still obviously baseball-hatted.  This time his dog was involved in a mild scuffle with another, and NN took it upon himself to lift the other dog off his own, which was perfectly reasonable.  NN was bit in the forearm during the melee.  The grandmotherly owner of the offending dog made her way over with a young child in tow.

It was at this point that NN’s sense of justice was most inflamed.  He started yelling, “Could you hurry the fuck up?” over and over again, no doubt traumatizing the young child for years to come.  He used the F-word in the neighbourhood of 100 times throughout his long lament, no exaggeration.  Later he would recount that the woman wouldn’t hurry and only gave him attitude instead.  The key fact that the dog fight was completely neutralized by then, this he never acknowledged.  And I think “attitude” is a fair response to a lot of bass-heavy F-words hurled in one’s grandmotherly direction.

She tried to leave the dog park with dog and child in tow but he continued hurling loud curses at her, especially once he realized he was bleeding.  He claimed he would have a scar but the extent of his wound appeared entirely superficial.

Most of the other people in the dog park tried to veer away from him but he cornered one guy and made him listen to his complaint, which had been clearly audible to all in the first place.  I’m always intrigued by the post-conflict period where the aggressor tries to get hold of their emotions and prove, “I’m not so crazy, I’m just a normal dude pushed to the brink by the heinousness of my opponent’s actions.”  But his attempt broke down and he began howling more curses even once the woman was long gone, probably to enroll her young charge in some kind of much-needed toddler therapy.

He then phoned whomever is unfortunate enough to have a friendly relationship with him and recounted the tale by saying only, “I got bit by this woman’s dog and she takes her sweet time coming over and then all she gives me is attitude.  I’m sick of this fucking place.”

Once more, the author was left impotently wanting to point out something like:  “When you scream obscenities at a grandmother and her grandchild you should not expect them to be like 100% conciliatory.”


–        Those most tightly in control of their pets, lives, family, etc. are most prone to breakdown when something goes wrong.  They cannot reconcile the wrong that befell them with what they perceive to be the right and proper order of things.

–        When these tightly-wound people recount their grievances to others they always neglect to mention how insanely dickish they were in any conflict.

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